Today’s post is written by guest blogger Janis Pullen, an Executive Mastery Coach. Janis gives us powerful reasons to take responsibility in rebuilding our life. Enjoy!
Have you endured a life crisis, or are you in the midst of one? Perhaps you have endured a serious illness. Perhaps you have suffered a relationship change. Perhaps you have experienced a devastating career transition. Any number of traumas in our life can temporarily take the wind out of our sails, knock us on our backs for a time, or flatten us permanently.
Victim: The disempowering way to handle a crisis involves a Victim mindset in which one feels powerless and helpless in the face of some circumstances. Caring mostly about safety and feeling good, the victim is either in resignation or else blames, complains, explains, and justifies. The victim is not interested in breakthroughs, just that things get incrementally better. They are quick with reasons and excuses. The victim does not take responsibility for the quality of life, the mindset, or the actions that would move them forward. The victim gets agreement from those around him/her about how bad things are, and about how the victim is really doing the best that s/he can. What runs the victim’s life is their conversations. The victim is injured, suffering, destroyed or harmed. The victim is not the source of his/her life. When we let circumstances, people, or just life in general dictate what we do, we are being a victim rather than being responsible for our own life.
Example: Mary has a disabling illness. She blames her parents not giving her good genes, her doctor for not finding the illness sooner, her husband for not taking better care of her, and herself for not taking care of herself and not listening to the symptoms her body was giving her early on. She is resentful that she doesn’t have more good days. She has a Victim mindset. She is unhappy and stuck in a rut of blame.
Example: Sue has been laid off in her career. She blames her boss, her coworkers, and her lack of schooling. She does not realize that her bad attitude was the main cause.
Responsibility: Even though terrible circumstances do occur, we don’t have to play the disempowered role of Victim. The empowering mindset is that of Responsibility, in which we declare that we are accountable for our interpretations and behavior. Caring mainly about the ultimate success of our life, we are oriented to action and correction rather than explanation and blame and resignation. Responsible people do not spend a lot of energy estimating how things got to be the way they are. Rather, we focus on effective action. We are more concerned with having our life work than the reasons why it will not. We are more interested in moving forward. The responsible person looks at what works and what does not work. The responsible person does not approach life as though something is wrong, rather that there is something missing that needs to be discovered. The responsible person is able, willing and striving to tell the truth about what has been done and what has not been done. Real responsibility is not to be confused with blame, credit, obligation or duty. Acting from a context of responsibility, one is concerned with the facts only as they bear on the next appropriate action. There is no concern about whether the facts seem to give credit or blame.
Example: Mary has a disabling illness. She knows that if she eats nutritious food, exercises daily, and gets plenty of sleep, she will have a better chance of either recovering or minimizing the symptoms. She is grateful that she has the good days. She also knows that when she listens to her body, she is able to respond more quickly to what her body needs. She does research and listens to her health team to learn the best ways to heal. She seeks out uplifting support partners and practices her physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being every day. Although Mary experiences discomfort and fear sometimes, she has a Responsibility mindset. She is at peace knowing she is doing what she needs to do.
Example: Sue has been laid off in her career. She realizes that she was not a fit for this position and is grateful for the opportunity to reinvent herself. She decides to investigate a new career path that more closely fits with her interests, personality, and desires. She begins a new training program and creates a new plan for her career success.
Here are several steps to shift from Victim to Responsible in our lives:
- Pay attention to what’s going on in order to respond sooner rather than later.
- Realize that we are in control of what we think, feel, and decide. Nobody or no circumstance is in control of our thoughts, feelings, and decisions.
- Commit to our success.
- Make the preparations and adjustments to stay on track with our commitment.
- Surround ourselves with people who support us, love us, and want us to win.
- Never give up, even when we are most in despair. We must summon our most courageous selves to believe in the light at the end of the tunnel.
- Practice gratitude for all that is; our process is perfect! We acknowledge ourselves for our positive, productive steps and forgive ourselves for our mistakes.
- Give the gift of trust to ourselves, others, and the Divine.
What are your suggestions for transforming your mindset from Victim to Responsibility?
Janis Pullen is an Executive Mastery Success Coach for Ontological Wealth, Weight, and Leadership (O.W.W.L.). To subscribe to her O.W.W.L. Success Tips or her blog, please visit www.JanisPullen.com.
